(Secretary and Past Master: REDACTED Lodge No. REDACTED, respectively)
Editor's note: The following document was leaked to this office anonymously, though we STRONGLY suspect the author is W Bro. Adam Goldman of Harmony Lodge No. 17, primarily because the original text was heavily sepia-toned in the same manner of all his social media pictures. We removed the sepia and names to protect the somewhat innocent, but have otherwise posted the document in full.